Tim Meyer’s 69 is a well-paced, chillingly atmospheric horror novella set in a New Jersey assisted living facility. Amanda is sent to investigate why all of the 69-year-old residents of Sping Lakes have slipped into “living dead” comas, complete with rigor mortis. They’re alive, barely, but possessed by something. The evil baddie of 69 eats memories, and uses your worst ones against you. While cosmic horror is at the root (pun intended ) of the residents’ problems, the underlying terror of 69 is the real-life horror of losing a loved one to the slow mental decline of Alzheimer’s disease. Meyer’s storytelling skills are top-notch.
It is with little fanfare but no small amount of pride that I announce the release of my latest novel, The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight! To commemorate this fine achievement I interview myself below.
Q: What the hell is this?
A: It’s a book.
Q: What kind of book is it?
A: A new one.
Q: Asshole! What’s it about?
A: About 230 pages in print…60,000 words…
Q: You know you suck at book promotion.
A: Yes. I do.
Q: Is that why The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight was published with no pre-orders, no promotional copies, no ads, no reviews, no promotion of any kind?
Q: Is this an elaborate marketing scheme, like when Beyonce drops a surprise album without telling anyone?
A: No. I hit the wrong button while proofing the print version on Amazon and accidentally put the book on sale. So I figured I’d better release the ebook version also.
Q: How long has the book been out?
A: A few weeks.
Q: How’s the feedback so far?
A: I haven’t gotten any. Nobody knows about it. Nobody’s read it.
Q: Why should I read The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight?
A: It’s a good book.
Q: (sigh) What will I find in this book…and don’t say “words”!
A: Rock ’n’ roll, cosmic terror, dysfunctional twin brothers, inter-dimensional monstrosities, music management, human sacrifice, adult film actresses, zombie parenting, South American drug cartels, caregiver stress, the end of the world, and fat jokes. Other stuff too.
Q: This sounds similar to your first novel, Hangman’s Jam, except with more fat jokes.
A: It’s a sequel to Hangman’s Jam.
Q: See! Now you’re talking! Why didn’t you say that in the first place?
A: Because it’s more of a parallel novel than an outright sequel. Hangman’s Jam was narrated by Bobby Marks, the bass player for Allen Vent & The Strange Creations. The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight is the story the Boyle brothers, whose band opens for The Strange Creations. Bobby Marks dismissed Vinny and Vance Boyle as murderous henchmen, but there’s much more to these troubled twins. Some believe the Boyle brothers were the true talent at that final apocalyptic show in Rio De Janeiro.
Q: Wait, the world gets wiped out in The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight too, like it did in Hangman’s Jam?
A: It does.
Q: Fuck’s wrong with you, man?
A: The story demanded it.
Q: Why The Dunwich Horrors? What does it mean?
A: “The Dunwich Horror” is a classic HP Lovecraft story that about cosmic terror and dysfunctional brothers, themes prevalent in The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight. Plus, I thought The Dunwich Horrors was a cool name for the Boyle brothers’ band. (Although, the Boyle Brothers’ Band is a pretty cool name, too.)
Q: Who is HP Lovecraft?
A: Google him, douchebag!
Q: Fuck off! Do I have to read Hangman’s Jamfirst before reading The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight?
A: No. The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonightstands on its own.
Q: If I read Hangman’s Jam I don’t need to read The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight because it’s the same story, right?
A: No. They’re both novels about the same apocalypse, but they’re different stories. Like Schindler’s List and Diary Of Anne Frank are both about the Jewish holocaust, but they’re different stories.
Q: So you’d classify The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight as holocaust literature?
A: No! That was just an example!
Q: So The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight is based on actual events?
A: No! It’s a dark fantasy novel, you dunce!
Q: How dare you! You’re the dunce who decided to release a book without properly promoting it.
A: Point taken.
Q: Why would I want to read either Hangman’s Jam or The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight if the world ends? Isn’t that depressing?
A: Lots of things are depressing. But I have some uplifting news! I’ve written a happy ending of sorts into the third and final volume of the Hangman’s Jam Saga, which will be released in early 2020. It’s called Kiss The Sky Goodbyeand it’s available for pre-order on Amazon now.
Q: Wait a minute! Has this whole crappy interview been a backdoor promotion for Hangman’s Jam Volume III?
A: Yes, I suppose. But I had to let you know about Hangman’s Jam Volume II first. Heck, you can pick up a copy of Hangman’s Jam Volume I for a dollar! I’m putting it on sale. You might want to also grab a copy of Songs In The Key Of Madness to immerse yourself in the rich musical history of Hangman’s Jam. Oh, and don’t forget Sensual Nightmares. Selena Simpson from “The Porn Maid’s Tale” has a starring role in Kiss The Sky Goodbye.
Q: That’s your idea of book promotion? Putting the first book in a series on sale and releasing the second volume without telling anyone?
A: I’m telling you.
Q: I am you, fool!
A: Yes. Perhaps I should’ve thought about this promotional meta-interview beforehand.
Q: You can edit this section out.
Q: You won’t forget?
A: I’ll remember! Do you think I’m stupid?
A: Shit! You’re right! I made custom playlists on YouTube and Spotify that reflect the rock ’n’ roll themes of these novels. The chapter titles align with the song titles. Use these playlists as a type of “soundtrack” for The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight and Kiss The Sky Goodbye. Or pick your favorite song and start reading from there. The story probably won’t make sense, but at least you’ll be listening to your favorite song! All of the Hangman’s Jam stories are very musical, so I figured playlists are a good way to enhance the reading experience.
Q: So the world ends in Hangman’s Jam and The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight, but gets saved in Kiss The Sky Goodbye?
A: In a way. It’s hard to save something that’s been washed away, but humanity carries on. We’re hard to kill.
Q: You are a bundle of joy, Rob Errera!
A: Kiss The Sky Goodbye is a tale of rebirth and redemption. I hope fans of Hangman’s Jam and The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight will appreciate where I take the story. It’s not all dreary. There are a few jokes in there.
Q: Sounds like a hoot! It’s a good thing you’re so handsome, Rob Errera!
A: As are you!
Q: Do you want to jerk off together?
Get The Dunwich Horrors Die Tonight! (Only $2.99! The cost of a cup of coffee!)
Pre-Order Kiss The Sky Goodbye! (Only $3.99! The cost of a Starbucks cup of coffee!)
Get Hangman’s Jam: A Symphony Of Terror! (One dollar! Cheap!)
Get Songs In The Key Of Madness: New Variations On Hangman’s Jam! (One dollar! Cheap!)
Get Sensual Nightmares: Volume I! (One dollar! Cheap!)
Thanks, folks…and leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads!
Smash your printer! Win $30!
|Sorry, folks, not more free ARCs. Gotta buy it January 22, 2019!|
Advanced Reading Copy
ROCK ’N’ ROLL & COMIC BOOKS TAUGHT ME ALL I KNOW!
Why, oh Rob Errera, are you giving me this amazing $4 book for FREE? Well, it goes on sale next month so I’m hoping you’ll leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads before then. You don’t even have to read the book! Just cut and paste one of the handy reviews below!
5 Stars – Brilliant Insights Into A Pop Culture Renaissance!
I loved this book! The essays were very thoughtful and moving. I laughed. I cried. I fell in love. Who wouldn’t? This book is filled with ‘80s nostalgia, and Rob Errera is a slim, sexy superhero!
3 Stars – This book of non-fiction essays is quite bookish
This book contains words. The words are arranged in sentences. The sentences are arranged in paragraphs. The paragraphs are organized by topic. There are a handful of numbers in this book, too.
1 Star – Awful! Stay Away! Toxic Thoughts and Malicious Ideas Inside!
This book stinks! It’s filled with ‘80s nostalgia and old man gripes about how music used to be better, blah, blah, blah. Rob Errera is NOT a superhero and looks nothing like the guy on the cover. Rob’s a fat bastard IRL!
Thank you! Enjoy!
Wait! What happens when I click the button?
A copy of the book will be automatically downloaded from my Dropbox to your device or computer. How you open/read it is up to you. My iPhone/iPad will allow me to export the file to iBooks or my Kindle app. You may have to follow some other method. But you’re a smart, capable person…you can do this!
Dudebros & Cool Chicks!
5 Stars – Brilliant Insights Into A Pop Culture Renaissance!I loved this book! The essays were very thoughtful and moving. I laughed. I cried. I fell in love. Who wouldn’t? This book is filled with ‘80s nostalgia, and Rob Errera is a slim, sexy superhero!3 Stars – This book of non-fiction essays is quite bookishThis book contains words. The words are arranged in sentences. The sentences are arranged in paragraphs. The paragraphs are organized by topic. There are a handful of numbers in this book, too.1 Star – Awful! Stay Away! Toxic Thoughts and Malicious Ideas Inside!This book stinks! It’s filled with ‘80s nostalgia and old man gripes about how music used to be better, blah, blah, blah. Rob Errera is NOT a superhero and looks nothing like the guy on the cover. Rob’s a fat bastard IRL!
I recently went “wide” with three of my book titles, meaning they were once available only through Amazon, but now they’re available through booksellers all over the world! Now available everywhere:
Fake News & Real Bullshit: Government, Media, and Justice in America. Essays. Satirical, and occasionally serious, essays about government, media, and justice in America.
The Mud Man. Novel, thriller. A stonemason learns how to reanimate the ashes of the dead into living clay…but his murdered son-in-law has plans for revenge!
Autism Dad 3: Life Skills & Life Lessons. Essays. A father helps his special needs prepare for adulthood, with the help of Power Mom and Super Sister!
How will you celebrate your 100th birthday? And, more importantly, where’s the party?
Directed by resident Paul Bastante, BLOOMINGDALE: An American Small Town digs deep into the borough’s storied history. Bastante captures Bloomingdale’s beauty with the eye of an artist, bringing the borough’s history to life through personal interviews, historic photographs, and archival video. (And some of the most impressive drone camera-work you’ll ever experience! Hey, we can see your house from here!)
BLOOMINGDALE: An American Small Town looks at the borough’s economy, schools, and government, delving into the major events that shaped the borough’s history. Bloomingdale’s Federal Hill not only showcases awe-inspiring geological features, it’s the site of one of our nation’s most dramatic military mutinies. The documentary also features segments on Samuel R. Donald School, The Bloomingdale Cornet Band, and the borough’s signature business, including The Glenwild Garden Center.
The documentary’s Beautiful Bloomingdale Lakes section highlights the stunning natural beauty of Lake Iosco, Kampfe Lake, and Bogue Pond, before digging deep into the history of Star Lake Camp. Established in 1923 by the owner Star Razor Company under the auspices of the Salvation Army, this 400-acre, multi-lake compound is dedicated to helping under-privileged inner-city children and international musicians alike.
Each summer, Star Lake Camp hosts two music camps. The first offers under-privileged children a chance to experience the wonders of nature and music. The second is an international music camp were teenage musicians from all over the globe gather to receive high level instruction.
“These woods have heard a lot of sacred music over the years,” Star Lake director Greg Tuck says in BLOOMINGDALE: An American Small Town.
Bloomingdale’s historic Delazier Field also gets a star turn in this documentary. The stone amphitheater, built during the Great Depression under President Roosevelt’s Works Progress Administration, is the spiritual heart of Bloomingdale borough.
Named after the borough’s first mayor, Delazier Field has hosted events as diverse as a visit from baseball legend Babe Ruth in 1946, to a field-destroying demolition derby in the 1970s. Minor league baseball team, The Bloomingdale Troopers, called Delazier Field home during the 1940s.
The August 8 festivities begin at 6:30 p.m. at historic Delazier Field on Ballston St. The film debut features a red carpet for the film’s cast and crew as well as interviews with prominent residents. An exhibition football game commemorating the 1947 Bloomingdale Troopers Pro football team and the 1998 Bloomingdale Chiefs will begin at 7:30 pm, followed by the debut of BLOOMINGDALE: An American Small Town.
This cover is divisive and inflammatory. What gives you the right to bully the President of The United States?
The First Amendment gives every citizen the right to free expression. Cover artist Dominic Wilde captured the spirit of this book perfectly. There’s a lot of anger, outrage, and injustice inside the book as well as on the cover. But it’s not a Trump-bashing book, other than noting The Donald stole the term “fake news” from me.
You’re accusing the President of theft? Can you prove the term “fake news” is your intellectual property?
I can prove I used it in a 2008 essay, but I don’t own any property, intellectual or otherwise.
What is this book about?
It’s a collection of essays examining how the news media has deteriorated over the last two decades.
What do you know about it?
I’ve been a journalist for nearly 30 years. I’ve seen a lot of changes in the news business since my days as a local newspaper reporter. Things have gone from bad to worse.
Is this leftist, lib-tard propaganda?
No. I dump equally on Republicans and Democrats in these essays. My main target is the news media tasked with keeping elected officials honest. The news media has become a propaganda machine rather than an unbiased source of information.
Why should I read this book?
If you’re under forty, this book will give you a sense of journalism’s history, how it has progressed and where it has regressed. Readers over forty will find a path through the confusing maze of Info Age insta-news…and maybe a bit of nostalgia.
Is this book funny? Serious? WTF is it?
Most of the essays are tongue-in-cheek, but a couple are somber—like my 9/11 and OJ Simpson essays.
Sounds heavy. I don’t like heavy thinking. It hurts my head. I want to keep it light, and breezy.
There’s fun in Fake News and Real Bullshit. Great info, too. In addition to explaining the breakdown of modern journalism, I also explain national healthcare, gasoline prices, Big Pharma scandals, cute cat memes, and why Nancy Grace sucks.
Nancy Grace doesn’t suck! She’s awesome! I love Nancy Grace!
Come on. Nobody loves Nancy Grace except for my wife. And Mr. Grace. Maybe.
You’re disrespectful and rude. Does your book have a surly, insolent tone?
I suppose. That’s my writing style. But you’ll find a few smiles and laughs there, too. Maybe even a few ideas worth remembering.
Why is the “i” in bullshit replaced with an “*” on the cover?
My publishers at Giantdog Books were afraid readers might be offended by the word “bullshit”.
Are you on drugs?
I don’t see how that’s your business.
Of course it’s my business. It’s everybody’s business. You’re trying to sell yourself as an “honest journalist.” You can’t have secrets!
Yeah, sure. Okay. I take 10mg of Lexapro every day. It’s a life saver, and keeps me semi-normal. You can read all about my mental breakdown in Autism Dad 2, if you’re really interested.
Oh brother! Are you an attention-seeking exhibitionist?
I’m an author trying to promote a book, so…yeah.
I don’t have time to read. Is this available as an audiobook?
Not yet. The essays in Fake News and Real Bullshit only run about 500 words each, so its an easy book to pick up, put down, and skip around. I grouped the essays by theme, but you don’t have to start at the beginning—read whatever looks interesting first. It’s a great read for the beach…or the bathroom.
Yuck! You’re disgusting! Nobody reads fecal splattered books and magazines in the bathroom anymore! You look at your phone!
Ah. I stand corrected. Don’t you put your dirty phone up against your face to make a call?
Don’t get smart! You don’t know me! You don’t know who I be! Cash me outside!
Wait…when did you become a thug?
See! That’s what I’m talking about! You can’t judge me by the way I act and speak! That’s profiling!
I can judge you by how you act and what you say! That’s how you’re supposed to judge character. I’m not judging you by your appearance. That’s profiling.
You profile as a fat, middle-aged white guy.
No, you profile as a fat, middle-aged white guy!
Are you nuts?
Yes! I told you about the Lexapro!
I bet your book sucks because you suck.
The rise of social media has eliminated the buffer between artists and fans, making it impossible to separate an artist from his or her work. I may (and often do) suck on a number of personal and professional levels, but my book does not. Fake News and Real Bullshit can hold its own against anything published in the last year.
That’s a bold statement.
How do you know? What have you read in the last year?
I know a bold statement when I hear one, and that’s a bold statement.
Read the book and decide for yourself.
What’s your book called again?
You are the world’s worse interviewer.
Fake News and Real Bullsh*t: Government, Media, and Justice In America by Rob Errera releases July 4th 2018. Order your copy now!
While you’re at it, buy ALL of Rob Errera’s books! (And leave five-star reviews!)
Born of mud. Made for murder.