The Grave Raver is our scariest Halloween decoration. After this column was published in October 2010, I received an email from the president of Gemmy Industries Corp. Even though I crapped on his products a bit, he said he “liked my style,” and offered to send me a free inflatable Christmas decoration. Damn my journalistic… Continue reading Dirty Dancing Ghost Makes For a Truly Scary Halloween
I originally published this column back in October 2010, but I was inspired to post it today by my friend’s Carmen Bastante’s creepy spider encounter. His body is the size of a quarter, fatter than a Concord grape, and with his legs extended he’s almost as big as a silver dollar. He’s unquestionably one of… Continue reading Along Came A (Really, Really Big) Spider
In light of my insensitive comments about Lou Ferrigno‘s disabilities, I’ve decided to run this article which shows how my opinions (and sense of humor) have changed. Oh, and if parents and educators are looking for guidance on preventing LGBTQ cyberbullying, here is a guide. Tracy Morgan is a professional comedian. He’s one of the stars… Continue reading Comedy means never having to say you’re sorry!
This is my final attempt at wise-ass humor circa 2000, where I cruelly goof on Lou Ferrigno’s deafness and speech impediment. I almost feel bad about it, but, as everybody saw on “Celebrity Apprentice,” the guy is kind of a dick. 20 QUESTIONS WITH THE INCREDIBLE LOU FERRIGNO A World Champion bodybuilder, Lou Ferrigno followed… Continue reading 20 QUESTIONS WITH THE INCREDIBLE LOU FERRIGNO
Here’s another weird bit of web satire from 2000. I don’t know why I decided to pick on Walter Matthau. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Good night, funny man Beloved comedic actor Walter Matthau, star of blockbuster films The Odd Couple, The Sunshine Boys, and Grumpy Old Men, kept… Continue reading THE FINAL DAYS OF WALTER MATTHAU
I wrote this back in March 2000 for a satire web site that was trying to compete with The Onion. The site didn’t last long, even though I thought some of the material was pretty funny. If you’re easily offended, you might want to skip this one. It’s just a joke…fag. Flamboyant Rocker Jumps Back… Continue reading ELTON JOHN SHOCKER: “I’M NOT GAY!”
Just in time for the summer swimming season, here’s a story about how I almost drowned in a friend’s pool a few years ago. “Catch me, Daddy! Catch me!” “Okay. I’m ready” I thought I was, too, treading water a couple of feet from the end of the diving board. I lifted my arms up… Continue reading The Art of Casual Drowning
Here are my thoughts on gay marriage published in TODAY February, 2004. I am soooo far ahead of the curve on this one! (Ouch! I dislocated my shoulder trying to pat myself on the back!) Plus, the idea of an expiring/renewable marriage license is nothing short of brilliant! What is a marriage? In the eyes… Continue reading Marriage Counseling: Gays Welcome!
Here’s one for all the of the original Hulkamaniacs out there…everyone knows who the coolest Avenger is! BONUS : Check out my “20 Questions With Lou Ferrigno!“ I read all sorts of comic books growing up, but The Incredible Hulk was my favorite. But the big green galoot’s run is coming to an end, and… Continue reading The Incredible Hulk Is Dead! Long Live Hulk!
Ever see some hip-hop dickhead walking around the mall with his ass hanging out? Well, I started that fashion trend years ago! My pants sag. I can’t help it; it’s the way I’m built. I’ve got a round belly and a flat butt and it’s a constant struggle to keep my pants up around my… Continue reading Baggy Pants: From Fashionable To Criminal
